I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize