what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
