Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
