I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
