Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
