Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
