What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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