Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
