Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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