Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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