My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
