If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
