I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
