i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
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