You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
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You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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