Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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