Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
