my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
