She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
