I wanna passion pit in your ass
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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