we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
