Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
