i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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