The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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