Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
