Dual....:-)
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
