About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize