He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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