3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
