good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
