woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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