Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
