so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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