We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
FUCK WHALES
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