so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
