She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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