Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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