I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
