I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
