Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
