My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
