just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
