Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
