You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
