Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
