she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
