Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
