ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
