Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
