one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize