Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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