either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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