never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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