all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
