Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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