Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
