Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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