I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
