dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm just crazy horny about you
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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