thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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