Four minutes until I can fart!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
