i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Found your dick twin last night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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