half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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