So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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