i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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