nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Holy sore nipples Batman
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
where are my eyebrows?
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