I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
