we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
