I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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