They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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