Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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