Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
